Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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