Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
