I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
