Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
