sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
