Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
false alarm. still invincible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
