I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
