I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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