It's Friday. Sex?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
