I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
