You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
