my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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