I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
