Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
