I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
