it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
