First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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