Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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