The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
