i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
