It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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