apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
