i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
