I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
