miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
