The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
