So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
