You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
