I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
