EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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