i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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