dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
