Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
