I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
