He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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