my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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