she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
