i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
