i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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