What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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