so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
