I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
