I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
