I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
