yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
