Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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