i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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