Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
