well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
