So drunk its hurt
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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