bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
