his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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