I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's even glitter on my cock...
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