I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
