Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
